What to do when your teenager talks to you about sex and dating

Emma remembers the day vividly. She had been listening to music and sipping on one of her favorite drinks---contemplating on why she was experiencing the dismal funk that had been keeping her company for the past few weeks on end. Several hours later (an hour or so past her curfew) her oldest daughter Sarah walked into the door. Emma was about to lecture her once again about being disobedient when she noticed the peculiar look on her daughter’s face.  “I want to start dating, I want to know if you will take me to the clinic to get birth control, I’m going on sixteen-years old and I think it’s time…” She continued on in this way for what seemed like forever as we played our game of charades. However, the room was dark so she couldn’t see my facial expression. This must be the reason she was so bold, I’m thinking.

If it had not been for the fact that I had just finished a drink and settled into bed, I would have been blasting all kinds of verbs into her face. However, I was able to calm down still wishing that I could turn around and go back to sleep. But, as I turned around to look at my daughter, I noticed she was turning into an adult. And, it is normal for teenagers her age to become interested in boys. I secretly gave her some dap for asking for birth control. It helped me to keep my sanity.

What is a date, I asked my daughter. Satisfied with the answer, I went on to tell her that just because she went out on a date with someone doesn’t mean he is her boyfriend. I then asked her if she has someone in particular in mind. Afraid for her fragile emotional state, I also went on to explain to her that just because she has a boyfriend doesn’t mean that he only wants to date just her.

What are your intentions with this guy, I asked. She went on to explain to me what boyfriends and girlfriends do together. I mentioned to her that most boys move on with their life fairly quickly after getting involved in a relationship and she shouldn’t become so emotionally involved at her age herself.

Because of the time of day, I ended the conversation at this point having every intention to pick it back up the next day without the influence of alcohol. The next day, I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on the subjects of dating and relationships.

Thus far no one has popped up at my front door claiming to be her knight and shining armor. But if he does, I have every intention on finding out who he is.

The names in this story have beenchanged to protect their privacy.

 

Can a single woman be satisfied without marriage?

 

By Anonymous

 

My belief has always been that walking down the aisle and exchanging wedding vows is not very important. I mean if we love each other and really want to be together, this should be enough for us to be able to cohabitate is what I had been thinking. I rationalized that marriage hasn’t kept couples from splitting up. And with the news mentioning the divorce rate along with the amount of people who talked about how quickly their relationship ended  after they became married, it was easy.

However, I couldn’t help but notice that within all my relationships, I continued to feel as if something was missing. And, this was even if the relationship seemed to be in pretty good shape. Perhaps, they were lying about how they felt about me or maybe I was sensing that they were incapable of having the relationship after it reached a certain point. But, then again, maybe it was the fact that we had not seriously discussed marriage or were not actually married is why this was the case. Because I had never been married before, I did not know the answer to this question.

Many men claim that they don’t want to remarry because of the problems they experienced with their wives. Lots of guys have told me that after they became married their wives treated them as if they owned them or that their wives never showed them any real love and affection. This only reinforced my belief that marriage is not important. I mean if they treated me well and pulled their fair share of the responsibilities then everything would be okay. Except for one thing---after a while I noticed that they would slack off or suddenly seem to lose interest shortly after we became “involved.” Could this be because I didn’t press them for another level of commitment?  Or because I told them that marriage was not important to me, they thought they could get away with doing or not doing certain things to keep the relationship intact.

I have been single for several years now. And, I keep myself busy by tending to my children and pursuing my goals and hobbies. Every once in a while I long for someone to come sweep me off my feet. This is until I remembered how hard it was for me to get back on my feet after the last prince charming did such a thing. But, I also remember the boredom that had begun to set in before I got dumped by some of my ex-boyfriends. A series of one night stands certainly didn’t do much to mend my broken heart.

I’ve learned to be happy with who I am and have gotten to enjoy my own company. I enjoy being able to cook, clean, and shower when I feel like it. But, every once in a while, I wish I had someone to help with the bills, empty the garbage, and help me discipline the children.