What to do when your teenager talks to you about sex and dating

Emma remembers the day vividly. She had been listening to music and sipping on one of her favorite drinks---contemplating on why she was experiencing the dismal funk that had been keeping her company for the past few weeks on end. Several hours later (an hour or so past her curfew) her oldest daughter Sarah walked into the door. Emma was about to lecture her once again about being disobedient when she noticed the peculiar look on her daughter’s face.  “I want to start dating, I want to know if you will take me to the clinic to get birth control, I’m going on sixteen-years old and I think it’s time…” She continued on in this way for what seemed like forever as we played our game of charades. However, the room was dark so she couldn’t see my facial expression. This must be the reason she was so bold, I’m thinking.

If it had not been for the fact that I had just finished a drink and settled into bed, I would have been blasting all kinds of verbs into her face. However, I was able to calm down still wishing that I could turn around and go back to sleep. But, as I turned around to look at my daughter, I noticed she was turning into an adult. And, it is normal for teenagers her age to become interested in boys. I secretly gave her some dap for asking for birth control. It helped me to keep my sanity.

What is a date, I asked my daughter. Satisfied with the answer, I went on to tell her that just because she went out on a date with someone doesn’t mean he is her boyfriend. I then asked her if she has someone in particular in mind. Afraid for her fragile emotional state, I also went on to explain to her that just because she has a boyfriend doesn’t mean that he only wants to date just her.

What are your intentions with this guy, I asked. She went on to explain to me what boyfriends and girlfriends do together. I mentioned to her that most boys move on with their life fairly quickly after getting involved in a relationship and she shouldn’t become so emotionally involved at her age herself.

Because of the time of day, I ended the conversation at this point having every intention to pick it back up the next day without the influence of alcohol. The next day, I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on the subjects of dating and relationships.

Thus far no one has popped up at my front door claiming to be her knight and shining armor. But if he does, I have every intention on finding out who he is.

The names in this story have beenchanged to protect their privacy.

 

Can a single woman be satisfied without marriage?

 

By Anonymous

 

My belief has always been that walking down the aisle and exchanging wedding vows is not very important. I mean if we love each other and really want to be together, this should be enough for us to be able to cohabitate is what I had been thinking. I rationalized that marriage hasn’t kept couples from splitting up. And with the news mentioning the divorce rate along with the amount of people who talked about how quickly their relationship ended  after they became married, it was easy.

However, I couldn’t help but notice that within all my relationships, I continued to feel as if something was missing. And, this was even if the relationship seemed to be in pretty good shape. Perhaps, they were lying about how they felt about me or maybe I was sensing that they were incapable of having the relationship after it reached a certain point. But, then again, maybe it was the fact that we had not seriously discussed marriage or were not actually married is why this was the case. Because I had never been married before, I did not know the answer to this question.

Many men claim that they don’t want to remarry because of the problems they experienced with their wives. Lots of guys have told me that after they became married their wives treated them as if they owned them or that their wives never showed them any real love and affection. This only reinforced my belief that marriage is not important. I mean if they treated me well and pulled their fair share of the responsibilities then everything would be okay. Except for one thing---after a while I noticed that they would slack off or suddenly seem to lose interest shortly after we became “involved.” Could this be because I didn’t press them for another level of commitment?  Or because I told them that marriage was not important to me, they thought they could get away with doing or not doing certain things to keep the relationship intact.

I have been single for several years now. And, I keep myself busy by tending to my children and pursuing my goals and hobbies. Every once in a while I long for someone to come sweep me off my feet. This is until I remembered how hard it was for me to get back on my feet after the last prince charming did such a thing. But, I also remember the boredom that had begun to set in before I got dumped by some of my ex-boyfriends. A series of one night stands certainly didn’t do much to mend my broken heart.

I’ve learned to be happy with who I am and have gotten to enjoy my own company. I enjoy being able to cook, clean, and shower when I feel like it. But, every once in a while, I wish I had someone to help with the bills, empty the garbage, and help me discipline the children.

11 Thoughts men have that send them to relationship hell

I don't have to love my girlfriend

I can have more than one woman

This is a woman's job

It's okay for me to slack off in the bed, but my woman can't

I shouldn't have to pay child support because i'm already broke

I should be able to stick around because of the children

Sex is all a woman wants

I don't have to do anything to keep my girlfriend if she hasn't asked me to

A woman should be able to take care of herself

We are not involved in a relationship if I didn't ask you for one

It is okay to borrow money from another woman

4 Reasons you may be alone right now

Self-discovery

You may need this time to find out who you are and the direction in which your life may be heading. Sometimes we meet people whose only purpose in our lives is to help us find out certain things about our personality. Or they may present a situation or problem that we haven’t dealt with so that we may do so. Take care of yourself during this time. If you don’t like the person that you are or where you are in your life, change your behavior. Pay attention to the negative thoughts that you have been having that may have helped you get to this point. It can be a tedious and painful task. However, the benefits are worth your while.  When you know who you are and what you want, you are less likely to settle for much less.

You are boring

Our fear of being alone can cause us to hang out with people in which we have nothing in common. You may not share the same opinions, hobbies, or lifestyle. But we continue to hold on. It can be your girlfriend or your boyfriend--- but after a while it becomes painfully obvious that you are not meant to be around each other.  The end of the relationship is inevitable. Good places to make new friends are places where you enjoy hanging out.

You never pay your way

This one may not be as obvious as it should be. But, if you never have any money to pay your own way when you and your crew go to the nite club, grab a bite to eat, or go shopping at the mall it’s only a matter of time before they cut you loose. You become a burden instead of a delightful companion. And, it is unfair for them to have to worry about your finances. You become a user regardless of whether or not it is intentional. No one wants to be taken advantage of.

Pursing people who are unavailable

People who are unavailable can’t be relied on to be there when you need them. They could be missing physically or emotionally, but the fact still remains that you need someone. If the one you are pursuing is already involved in a relationship, there is a very good chance that they will not leave their primary relationship. And, if they do, they may be too upset about the breakup to stick around. It is impossible for you to get what the other woman is getting from him. Often when she demands respect, you will have to pretend you didn’t know there is a respect issue. When she demands real intimacy, you may have to settle for a quickie. If you see him on the holidays, he may be too upset about leaving his family to fully enjoy your company or you his. At some point you will have to decide you deserve better and walk away

Best Sex Substitutes

Masturbation

Ben and Jerry icecream

Steak and potatoes

Expensive wine

Shopping

A day at the spa

Have to have a wonderful relationship with yourself

Acknowledge the fact that you are a human being.

Treat yourself with respect.

Do something loving for yourself each day.

Say nice things about yourself often.

Always be as honest as possible with yourself.

Masturbate

5 Things people do that keep them from receiving their blessings

Picking fun of other people

Doing so is tantamount to rejecting someone or some part of who they are. However, we are all interconnected and are capable of falling short of who we think we are or who we would like to be. Ever find yourself wondering how someone could do such a thing? Your higher power could very well grant you the opportunity to find out. So next time someone does something that irks you, make a mental note not to behave in the same way. But, resist the urge to put them down. Besides, they could have very good reasons for being the way they are.

Being pessimistic

You probably know one of these people, unfortunately. They never have anything positive to say. When people ask them who they are, they can never really come up with anything wonderful or unique to say. If you haven’t taken the time to discover your own good qualities, why should anyone else. Thus these people miss out on new opportunities such as the chance to make new friends or receive their dream job. When things appear to be going their way, they continue to dwell on the calamities that they expect to come to pass. And, this is even if the worst never happens. However, many times they manage to stay afloat. But magnificent blessings always seem to elude them.

Procrastinating

Many people have been guilty of letting opportunities go by as they come up with one excuse or another for not handling their business. To their dismay, when they feel they are ready to move forward the opportunity is gone. First ask yourself if you welcome the opportunity to get what you want or need or if you are afraid to succeed. Just remember that you may never get the opportunity again.

Not letting go

Sometimes we have to give up on something in order to get something else. The good news is that when your higher power takes something away from us, he replaces it with something even better. Choosing not to relinquish those things or people who are no longer right for us can only leave us in limbo.

Being dishonest

This is akin to a new driver behind a steering wheel. The ride is never smooth. The driver struggles to stay within the lines, afraid to stop, but afraid to move forward. However, to their delight the ride gets a lot easier---only to sometimes find that they have run into a dead end road. When people are unable to tell the truth about what they want or need, they always have a desire to do something other than what they are already doing. It is not the same as the grass appearing greener on the other side---they can’t shake the feeling that something is severely missing form their life. They can’t move forward, but they can’t continue doing what they have been doing either. The result is confusion and inner turmoil. Only and only when they can admit the truth about what they want can they begin to find true happiness.